I think my real problem with the 80's, is people's fascination with them. I mean, nothing good really happened, did it? In the sixties, free love got huge, and people realised that they were allowed to be happy. For the first time, there was no war, no death, and work for everyone. So what did this new generation of young people do? They bought stuff. Lovely, expensive stuff. Or alternatively, they didn't. They just grew there hair, and sat in circles on the grass. Whatever, it's all groovy, yeah?
"If you're bored between now and then, I just suggest you grow your hair, discover the avocado, and fornicate."
And then, just before the 70's, there was another war. And for the first time, people sat up and said, 'Hold on, what are we fighting over? Hey! HEY, WHAT ARE WE FIGHTING OVER?' And suddenly, everything went away. The governments realised that young people weren't just stupid, dirty hippies. They were educated dirty hippies. And if we didn't want a war, we were going to do all we damn well could to stop it.
Now, run these images through your minds. Feminism, for starters. Second-wave feminism, to be precise. Women fighting for their rights for the first time since the turn of the century, and succeeding.
The Mods, at the beginning of the 60's, spending there money on expensive suits and custom scooters, rejecting the alcoholism of there parents (and sometimes even older siblings,) in an attempt to reach a higher state of conciousness.
The struggle for equal rights for African Americans, from 1961 and the Freedom Riders, to the assassination of Martin Luther King, Jr. in 1968.
Now. The 80's. The Thatcher years. She began well, by removing the degree of control her government had over the economy. Yeah, that's sounds like a great idea. The last time someone tried that was, oh, I don't know, the late 1920's? I must say, the only serious ramifications I can think of would be, say... The Great Depression?
Unemployment soared. In January, 1982, unemployment was in excess of 3,000,000 for the first time since the 1930s.
Good thinking there, Madge. Really glad you're looking out for Britain.
The North-Ireland hunger-strikes. Those poor guys just can't get a break, can they?
The Falklands War. My favourite part of this car-crash.
Two fully developed, 'totally civilized' nations (Ha!) bomb the shit out of each other over three piddling little islands in the South Atlantic. 907 dead, 1845 wounded. 16 marine vehicles lost, 150 aircraft lost. Well done, Britain and Argentina. You've made yourselves feel big.
And then... we hit the AIDS epidemic. Lovely.
'What's going on? What do we do now? "Don't fuck anybody or you die! Never mind, here comes MC Hammer." '
I'm not even sure I want to talk about this one. Let's just say that it was very sad for everyone involved, including the gays. Because they, it seems, were blamed for the whole thing. Theories about the origins of the disease included 'anal sex' and 'swallowing to much semen.' Do you like the 80's? Well, then you hate gay people. (In a "You're killing the rainforest" sense. You don't really. Well, you might.)
Now, let's do popular culture. There's lots of fodder here.
New Wave. Look... I don't have an issue with guys being gay. Live and let live, whatever.
But I DO have an issue with guys wearing make-up with a suit and tie. Because they don't go together, I mean. I like suits and ties. Except for when they glitter.
On the subject of ties, why do they all need to be so thin? I mean, most of them were fine, but I've seen, and still see, some that are just ribbons. Just... just ribbons. Why not were a scarf? A nice cravat, or something?
Ravers. Guh. Yeah, because Mods weren't already stuffing themselves full with too many amphetamines. Waste of space as of yet, as they wouldn't even start to get the music right for another ten years or so.
Speaking of Mods, some Californians decided they were going to revive them. Think of the American 'Life On Mars'. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Also, have you seen 'Ashes To Ashes'? It's set in the 80's, and it's not as good. Coincidence? Perhaps. Perhaps... not...
Surfies? Poor young men. No longer the 70's, not yet the 90's. Nothing for them here. Let's not speak of them again.
The fashion. Shoulderpads. Spandex. Rainbow leg-warmers. Mullets on EVERYONE. Suede. Guh, suede. If I get one comment saying 'Hey, man, what are you talking about, I love leg warmers' I'll hit you in the mouth. I'm not even joking. Ask Mr. Darcy.
I'm not even joking.
And why was it necessary to beat the synthesiser to death? Most of the music in the 80's was terrible. If you look at your favourite bands, the 80's were probably a low point. Almost definitely. That's another thing people have been saying to me. 'Hey, man, what about the music? The music was great!' The music was bollocks, and you know it. Only one person's been able to give me a good example of a song from the 80's, and that was just because he spammed me with songs, and even then his song was far from mainstream.
Creativity just went out the window in the 80's. There was so much less musical freedom, because everyone was trying to hard to be free.
I'm going to finish this soon, and when I do, I don't want comments full of people saying 'Oh, no way, you've totally got it wrong!' I just spent two weeks writing nearly a thousand words. I've done my research. Have you?
Rant over. Now shut the hell up, and leave me alone.
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